Run

I was listening to Epik High's Run... and watching their music video.
It's beautiful. I've seen it a couple of times, but never with the english subtitles... until today.
:)
It made me want to run...

'until your dreams fill your heart'


'until your hands reach the sky'


made me remember...
how good it is to run it out.









then today, I went to the gym...to run some more... though i always felt that a treadmill always limits you...
And throughout every single day... i get nostalgic, I reflect, I criticize, judge where i am ... in contrast to others around me... but mostly to myself. or even where i was before. Today, it felt good to run.
And then, in the midst of my nostalgic musings, I saw him... or he was looking at me... and the rule I've made for myself is to NOT ever say Hi until they see me and perhaps say hi too. I never go out of my way to say Hi to people that don't see me.
because... i'm afraid of rejection. haha stuupid right? but in high school I used to say hihihihihi to people and be a crazy person in the hallway and the other people never saw me and it made me feel really sad :(
And then I realized it.
I was running away.
If somebody heard this argument... they wouldn't care.
because in order to save myself, I was not trusting in the other person.
right?

And even though I wanted people to go away... didn't want to speak to some people because what were they going to be to me when I grew up? I would always think... you will be of no benefit to me. why do i need to be friends with you? or i don't like you, i don't want to be friends with you.
I realize i don't have to run away. we all live in the same world, and we will always have a place in our hearts for those who've crossed our paths... we will never forget...
the clown in 9th grade, the hobo you had lunch with one Saturday afternoon,your friend from high school that you go to college with but don't talk to...
might as well rejoice in the history we had before... and go on being friendly..... to everyone. it was okay. :) and maybe even though we were not as close as we were before, we aren't really each other's best friends, we could at least, stop at the street, ask how things are going, and go on our way, letting the other seep into our hearts at least for a little while. and whenever we think about them, we'll smile.

i was always trying to be your best friend and demanding everything about you... or try to make you comfortable by exhausting you with questions about yourself and feel like i've done my duty...

what is a friend?

i wish i knew. :)