Hello blogger
how are you?
haven't been here a while, and its good that i haven't ... i actually shouldn't be here right now! but perhaps i've been on here for so long... i guess i shouldn't leave without posting something...

i want to say that during summer, i've learned something ... well LOTS of things. I can name muscles, explain the respiratory pathway, and tell you why a plant does what it does. but we don't read blogs to read something like that... but other things, more important (dare i say?) things.

this big thing i learned that i finally sort of understand is:
moving on.
yup, i'm a perfectionist, so much to the point that i'd rather fail something rather than pass... etc.
And though i'm still new this idea of moving on, i understand it now.
but no, it wasn't through watching many many movies of people advising this way to others (and then, i'd always disagree too...and marvel if the advice-given person did in fact let the incidence leave their consciousness).
It was through a book.
It was through... a children's book.
But the figure in this book was ethereal, whose each words were like golden nuggets, deep and meaningful and purposeful, words you weighed in your mind and let it sink down to your heart and the core of your being, seeds that were planted in the back of your mind that after time blossomed and bloomed in to stunning truth and beauty, one's whose words you wanted to savor, to remember, to live with whispering in your mind for the rest of your life.
It was Aslan's.

That was the reason why I read the entire Chronicle. For a peak at Aslan, for another chance to hear his words, to see what he'd do... for he was representative of...

"What's done has been done."
speak no more of the past
first heard these words when watching the movie.
it came again to me in the 2nd book of the chronicles.
and it came again through varying themes of it.
I learned that even if I stress over it, it won't make change the past. the past is the past. what we can change is the future.
so now, when i catch myself worrying about the exam, i stop. worrying about bad grades, nope. gotta stop expending my energy on freaking out but got to study for the next one. what's done is done. past is past.
i can't believe i never believed in this before.
how did i survive all these years?
Still, its hard for me to apply this to my entire past.
but only God can make anything good come out of it.
And he is the restorer... He promises to restore us.

"To know what would have happened, child? No. Nobody is ever told that. But anyone can find out what will happen.”
Aslan

story of mai life! ... wouldabeen

Type A behavior pattern, characterized by competitiveness, achievement orientation, aggressiveness, hostility, restlessness, inability to relax, and impatience with others,

"Hot-tempered people who are frequently angry, cynical, and combative are much more likely to die at an early age from heart disease...Considerable evidence indicates that other negative emotional states, especially depression, also predict heart disease.

HOW?

"When angry, your body increases your heart rate, shutting down digestion, moving more blood to your muscles...which take a toll on the heart. Chronic hostility can lead to overstimulation of the sympathetic nervous system, causing higher blood pressure, constriction of blood vessels, elevated levels of cortisol (a stress hormone), increase release of fatty acids into the blood stream, and greater buildup of plaque on arteries-all these events contribute to heart disease. Over time, then being hostile or angry causes wear and tear on the heart, making it more likely to fail."

WHAT to DO?
Learn to relax
Learn to cope

"In emotion-focused coping, a person tries to prevent an emotional response to the stressor, adopting strategies, often passive, to numb the pain. Such strategies include avoidance, minimizing the problem, trying to distance oneself from the outcomes of the problem, or engaging in behaviors such as eating or drinking. For example, if you are having difficulty at school, you might avoid the problem by skipping class minimize the problem by telling yourself school is not all that important, distance yourself from the outcome by saying you can always get a job if college does not work out, or overeat and drink alcohol to dull the pain of the problem. These strategies do not solve the problem or prevent it from recurring in the future.

By contrast, problem-focused coping involves taking direct steps to solve the problem: generating alternative solutions, weighing their costs and benefits, and choosing between them. In this case, if you are having academic trouble, you might think about ways to alleviate the problem, such as getting tutoring or asking for an extension for a paper. People adopt problem-focused behaviors when they perceive stressors as controllable and are experiencing only moderate levels of stress."

The best way to cope with stress depends on personal resources and on the situation.
People use BOTH emotion-focused coping and problem-focused coping.
EX: If your partner is in a bad mood and is giving you a hard time, just ignoring him or her can be the best option. In contrast, ignoring your partner's drinking problem will not make it go away, and eventually you will need a better coping strategy. . .

Other happy ideas:

+ focusing on possible good things in the current situation
+ make downward comparisons - comparing oneself to those worse off
+ creation of positive events - infusing ordinary events with positive meaning.
EX: If you were diagnosed with diabetes, you could focus on how having diabetes will force you to eat a health diet and exercise regularly, recognize its not as serious as having heart disease (downward), and take joy in everyday activities such as riding a bike.

More positive psychology:
+ social interaction~
+emotional disclosure (writing, talking of emotional events, i.e. journal)
+ trust - the more people reported being distrustful of others, the more they reported being in poor health.
+eat natural foods (whole grains, fruits, veggies), good fats
+eat diet in moderation--and eat only when you are hungry.
+keep ACTIVE! engage in moderate physical activity at least four times a week for at least 30 minutes. Ignore the saying no pain, no gain--research shows it is inaccurate, because pain deters people from exercising over the long run (not sure about this one!)
+do not smoke
+write about troubling events in your life
+try some of the happiness exercises
express gratitude imagine your 'best possible self.'
focus on positive events

This chapter of Psych was really interesting!
There was a diet section too... about how people think which i'll post later!
But let us relax~ and live life happily!
my joy comes from Jesus, the one who was bruised and crushed for me. beautiful one. How he loves us :)

imma sleep now. study for finals!

you LOVE love love love love me ? ... !

I thought the last one was LOUD and clear.
The message of absolute, all-encompassing LOVE from God that looks at me and smiles.
he longs for me?
Even though we sing those words to HIM??
HE is thirsty for ME? ... so thirsty?


He loves me. Just as I am.



Whereas I once said, "Depart from me, Lord! For I am a sinner!" like simon peter..
and my times of 'prayer' were really always full of grief, shame, and me sinking more and more into my depravity, my identity as a sinner...


I am reminded again...

nudged gently

beautiful light surrounds

goodness flows from Him... slowly filling my heart

He smiles.

"Child, I love you." ^^


----

Just as Mary was focused on Jesus ... eyes glued to his face...
drinking in His presence ....
so do I want to gaze at his majesty and just ... adore Him...


"
I want to sit at your feet
drink from the cup in your hands
lean back against you and breathe
feel your heartbeat

this love is so deep
it's more than i can stand
I melt in your peace
It's overwhelming "




How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?


I want to know you
I want to hear your voice
I want to know you more
I want to touch you
I want to see your face
I want to know you more



"I am the bread of life.
He who comes to me will never go hungry,
and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."



You are beautiful my sweet sweet song
You are beautiful my sweet sweet song

I will sing again...



"Flee the desires of your youth and
Pursue (run after!) righteousness !!
Faith
Love
and Peace
along with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart. ~ "

confessions of a competitive spirit

I had thought that doing things for myself was for my benefit. . .
So I did it all for myself... everything for myself...
No more of you... well, unless I needed you.

And I thought I was happy. because it made sense. And I was.

But I don't think I really knew what happiness was... until I saw you again.
Until I remembered the world above my own... until I gazed heavenward.
Until I remembered that the focus is not ME...

I remembered again the joy, the sheer overflowing of the heart in wonder and praise
something was right again.
peace like a river.

By setting down myself, I had in fact gained an insight into my TRUE SELF.
A spirit dancing with YOU. A laughing child at your feet.


You are the EVERLASTING GOD. And I raise my hands in joy!
All creation praises your name! The trees, the earth, the stars, the nations!
You are Sovereign Lord! And I worship you just because of that! And that alone is sufficient! That you are worthy of praise.

And great are your mercies Lord.
Your love is AMAZING.
You hold me... even though I'm covered in dirt, in filth, in sickness.
The depth of your love... your FAITHFULNESS Lord I cannot imagine, cannot understand.
Jesus you are the holy shepherd. the humble king.
through it all... through it all...

I committed the crime. You were taken to die.

amazing grace
how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me
I once was lost
but now am found
was blind but now I see

The LORD your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with
singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

Here before Your alter
I am letting go of all I’ve held
Of every motive, every burden
Everything that’s of myself

Run

I was listening to Epik High's Run... and watching their music video.
It's beautiful. I've seen it a couple of times, but never with the english subtitles... until today.
:)
It made me want to run...

'until your dreams fill your heart'


'until your hands reach the sky'


made me remember...
how good it is to run it out.









then today, I went to the gym...to run some more... though i always felt that a treadmill always limits you...
And throughout every single day... i get nostalgic, I reflect, I criticize, judge where i am ... in contrast to others around me... but mostly to myself. or even where i was before. Today, it felt good to run.
And then, in the midst of my nostalgic musings, I saw him... or he was looking at me... and the rule I've made for myself is to NOT ever say Hi until they see me and perhaps say hi too. I never go out of my way to say Hi to people that don't see me.
because... i'm afraid of rejection. haha stuupid right? but in high school I used to say hihihihihi to people and be a crazy person in the hallway and the other people never saw me and it made me feel really sad :(
And then I realized it.
I was running away.
If somebody heard this argument... they wouldn't care.
because in order to save myself, I was not trusting in the other person.
right?

And even though I wanted people to go away... didn't want to speak to some people because what were they going to be to me when I grew up? I would always think... you will be of no benefit to me. why do i need to be friends with you? or i don't like you, i don't want to be friends with you.
I realize i don't have to run away. we all live in the same world, and we will always have a place in our hearts for those who've crossed our paths... we will never forget...
the clown in 9th grade, the hobo you had lunch with one Saturday afternoon,your friend from high school that you go to college with but don't talk to...
might as well rejoice in the history we had before... and go on being friendly..... to everyone. it was okay. :) and maybe even though we were not as close as we were before, we aren't really each other's best friends, we could at least, stop at the street, ask how things are going, and go on our way, letting the other seep into our hearts at least for a little while. and whenever we think about them, we'll smile.

i was always trying to be your best friend and demanding everything about you... or try to make you comfortable by exhausting you with questions about yourself and feel like i've done my duty...

what is a friend?

i wish i knew. :)

Some are so cute. Can't help but laugh.